The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star.
Yesterday - Today. It's been like a weekend in the middle of the week!
And to think that tomorrow's Friday and I get to have it all over again! (:
Change, yes. That's what's happened. But in a far different way than expected.
I won't seem to learn that life is playing in my favour. In our favour.
I guess sometimes I feel frightened that it's all going to end. That this little bubble of joy, of fulfilment, is going to burst... So maybe it's not a bubble. Maybe this is just the way it is.
It's pretty cool, this feeling. (:
So I finally got to drive the new car yesterday! Unbelievable isn't it?
Met the girls on the brigde and talked alot of shit. Enjoying the sun alot, we ended up sitting there for a while... Some windowshopping, cigarettes and weird pants later, we parted.
Only to pick up Bamsi. The sun was still out, we were going to our place. Phonecalls got us sidetracked. But it was okay that the sun was already setting when we finally got there, we had Johani with us! Enjoying the food and atmosphere... Up and go!
... Acke's now my personal trainer. Ha, yeah! I have one of those!
We went out running. Yeah really, I went out running! He had to do alot of pushing... And there was yelling, angry comments and sarcastic remarks... But I was really out running!
After moving my body way too many kilometres, way too fast, we ended up climbing this little house, sitting on the roof. Clear sky. It was really cool. (:
So today I woke up and ran some errands. Came back home and had some lunch...
And you wanna know what else I did after that?
I went out running again! By my self! Just because I wanted to! (Expecting applause.)
And as if that wasn't enough, I met up with Marika and we went swimming!
Hey, beach 2007 is coming up... (;
Just leaving the pools, Acke calls us over for dinner.
He then read a bedtimestory for us...
A childernsbook about a drunk guy who forgot to feed his cat. I can't wait to see how the next generation's going to turn out! Oh and also, there was Kinder!
... And all the details about these days that I couldn't fit into this blog even if I tried. It's really all about the details. Thanks guys. For such an awsome time.
I feel so fuckin' good, it's crazy. If only there was a way to repay Life?
But I guess you can't have everything, every little detail...
That's okay. I feel comfort in Life, opening new doors.
Yeah, whatever. (: Nighty Night.
Ex friends 'till the end.
I met this really amazing man today.
... Yeah. He was really very cool.
Cat and me had just gotten back from our lunchbreak of day two at the dump, and there, behind the recycling containers, stood this man with his bicycle. Within the matter of minutes he had us captured, already deep into his life story. About growing up during the occupation of World War 2, 1941 Slovania. He used to live on this farm, chicken, cows, close neighbours...
This one day a cock had gotten on top of a hen... This had upset little Ludwig and he had pushed the cock away.
(Done laughing about the sentence above? Good.)
Anyway, his mother had told him to not do that again. If he does then there will be no chicken!
- Ok...
So a few days later he was on the field among the cows. One cow had gotten on top of another and Ludwig had gotten upset, again. He whipped the bull who then ran away.
His mother had told him to not do that again. If he does there will be no calf!
- Ok...
Little Ludwig went to school the following days and they were going deep into christianity.
Everything was just fine and he was learing things. Their teacher was this catholic preist.
When he told the class Mother Mary had gotten pregnant by the holy spirit...
Little Ludwig had stood up infront of the class, saying that wasn't true. That's just not how it works!
Needless to say, Little Ludwig had gotten in trouble for his statement.
Something about the preist pulling him by his tounge around the whole classroom.
He described it as torture.
So eventually the whole town had heard about what little Ludwig had done... That weekend all the neighbours and townpeople had come over to his house to listen to him tell the story. Everyone really amazed.
I'm sitting here, still refecting upon his stories.
He was really very cool.
There's alot going on in my life nowadays. I don't know how it all ended up like this but it has and I'm glad.
The "new" is now becoming more of a "comfortable"... More of an "interesting" and an "insightful".
And eventhough "new" is more of a "fun", the "interesting" and "insightful" is actually more of a "comfortable".
But maybe things will change. And maybe even in the not too distant future...
I don't know. It's beyond my control.
Though, I feel a change coming up and I'm not sure what to think of it.
Jealousy is something really strong, sometimes making people act in ways they, themselves, could't even picture.
I'll draw you a map of the drama. Actually, I'll need it too.
Hoping for a nightly recap with my brother tonight. He's actually not half bad!
It's funny how I'm just starting to get to know him and we've lived under the same roof for 20 years.
A.K.A Lennart!
Disaster?
Au contraire!
Watch me stike a match on all my waisted time!
So the first day at the garbage place!
Cat, how do we always have such a great time? (:
How HOT are we?
Yeah, really. My nametag reads: Lennart. How great isn't this job?
1/4 workdays at the dump, done. I think I might actually miss it when it's over.
Haha, who would've thought?
So... I left a chunk of my life at work (Cafe Nova) and was totally limited this weekend.
Crabby, naturally... Change of plans.
Acke and Cathrine ended up coming over for a rerun of "Where's your car dude?!" ... Dude, it's a lama.
I miss you Mackan. Miss talking to you as often as I used to. I miss having you just a phonecall away...
You're pretty awsome. (: See you this summer! You better make it to Reading too!
Signing off, again, really happy.
...And a bit hungry... Cheesecake Factory, anyone?
Jill Adam
camping out far in late april
'Cuz I'm still trying to figure it out.
Don't know what's down this road. I'm just walking
Trying to see throught the rain coming down.
The following lines in the song describe how lonely this girl's feeling.
I'm alone, on my own. And that's all I know.
I'll be strong, I'll be wrong. Oh but life goes on.
I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in this world.
I hate that the song had to take that turn.
It made it so that I went from totally relating to not relating at all.
I'm not alone.
I have some really great people around me; not asking me what I want, where I'm going...
But walking there right next to me, holding my hand, helping eachother see through the rain.
I'm almost jealous of me, and I AM me! (;
It's really such a surreal feeling. But I'm having one of those nights tonight... Where everything's like, either really emotional or really really weird. Mostly really emotional.
I'm so damn lucky.
Dave sent me the album I've been secretly thinking about ever since I came back from the states.
It's so great. So I'm just sitting here, feeling really good, listening to the words that were my best friend for about 12 straight hours on the plane ride back home.
To think how emotions can change in just, well what's it been? 5 weeks...
The words that made me cry on the plane, are now making me smile...
Yeah... Life keeps opening doors to explore.
And I'm not alone in my search, I've got really cool people with me.
Thanks Dave. I really appreciate it.
You're beautiful, every little piece, love.
And don't you know, you're really gonna be someone.
Ask anyone.
When you find everything you looked for, I hope your life leads you right to my door.
Oh, but if it don't...
Stay beautiful.
About; blank.
Why is it that everytime I sit down to update my blog, I suddenly really have to pee?
Today was a good day. Was it? ...Yeah, it was.
Cathrine came over about 5 minutes after I'd woken up. I was supposed to be ready to leave for our interview, but naturally I snoozed one too many times. No shower, just tied my hair up and drove to get the jobs at the garbageplace! That's right. We owned it!
So on Saturday and a four days ahead, you'll be able to see us asking people a bunch of recycling questions and just really looking good, working the orange overalls for good money!
Living the eurpoean dream...
This weekend was great!
Started off at Jossans place. Drank alot of wine. Alot, alot, alot... Went to the club, we were on the list, but it sucked. Didn't really give us any advantages. Anyhow, got in and danced, danced, danced... Drank and danced...
Eventually leaving for, naturally, Centralbaren.
Met up with Acke, Bams and his girls.
Leaving pretty quickly, but where to?
a) Sleazy -rich-upperclass- backslick- businessboy-dork?
b) Bamoramas?
c) Acke's place?
We couldn't make up our minds and when we finally did we realized our options had left, so we were off to Acke's place. Loved playing around in the playground just outside... (:
Some song about a loved one being described as a firecracker put us all to sleep pretty quickly...
...Only to wake up 20 minutes later by a really crabby Cathrine.
Really crabby. And she wanted to leave. At, what was it, 4 am?
So I hid her shoes, and mine, which are identical btw, and her bag. She wasn't going anywhere at that time. So she pouted even more and didn't want to spoon with us.
FINE! Be that way! You suck anyway.
Woke up, sunday. Great day. Snoozed, got up, snoozed some more... We got hungry. Went to the best place to get Kebab, fortunately only a few seconds away! Enjoyed it so very much, watching some really... "intreserting" swedish film...
Tonight isn't over yet. My brother will join me pretty soon for a nightly recap. Or a "ritual", whatever you wish to call it.
Thanks everybody for making this weekend what it was.
<3
(Acke, sorry for option A... It's pretty funny tho' when you think about it. ;)
Love you slut! (;
March 17th. Bed; Before and after.
02:26 am
[ What I did today and what my day was like... ]
...
But then I came home and I put som really great music on.
So here I'm sitting, in my zebra-striped pyjamapants, a top that doesn't match at all and my hair tied up in a really messy ponytail.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Adventures and routines have been the main topics of the day. I like these topics, and I also like the ones I've discussed them with.
Really I have nothing new to add to my list of accomplishments.
I'm kinda' just levitating, feeding off of all my experiences and memories.
Not many people get to have the memories I have.
Not many people get to experience the things I get to experience.
Everyone's gone to bed. I'm up alone with only my vanilla scented candles as company.
So I'm lighting a cigarette, singling quietly along to the music in the background and just smiling!
The weather is looking up, bringing forth alot of moods and emotions that've been put aside.
Stockholm, photographing, interviews, baking, chatts, random textmsg's, talks, songs and play.
Play. Alot of play. (:
Applepie never tasted as good, my Stockholm never looked as beautiful and not getting a job was never as fun!
4:58 pm
Tonight's the night we're gonna make it happen!
Cathrine and I are invited over to Jossans place tonight for drinks before heading out! Apparently VIP on the list to the place I've never been to; Hamnmagasinet. It's gonna be a great night, I can feel it! (:
I washed the new car today... Yeah, I did and it's spotless clean! But do I ever get to drive it? Not so much...
After that we headed out to for groceries, and I saw something really interesting. I couldn't take my eye off it. I should've grabbed it and tried it out! (;
This is the easy life.
This is the simple life baby.
And you may be just what I have always been searching for.
A life through an open door, darling.
Let us go there you and I.
Ah yeah... You still make me smile. Bittersweet? No not even...
Enamored.
But I have to put the past aside now.
I'll keep the photographs and our inside jokes very present, all to myself. Mostly because I can.
The chance of a lifetime.
Past aside now...
Ending this blog entry with a few photos from this past week. (:
Shibby!
LIFE NEVER TASTED AS LOVELY !!!
You're bringing out the best in me.
Flames to dust, lovers to friends... Why do all good things come to an end?
What an evening!
What a week!
What an excitement!
What a lucky girl I am...
My friends just never seize to surprise me...
I really recomend Cathrines blogg; http://smellslikecathrine.blogg.se .
(To the swedish readers of you.)
It's so refreshing and lively. (:
I decided to try to stop being so sentimental and vulnreable in my blogg. To try not to be"artsy " and "poetic".
Don't know why though, but It felt like more of a hassle trying to be anything but that...
I like writing about emotions.
I like knowing the fact that I have alot of readers and that this is my spot for your attention, as you sit down to read this.
So I naturally feel like I really want to talk with you. To like, share something with you.
So yeah, I can tell you about my day; where I went and when. Who I saw and what we said... Yeah!
But I could also go past that, and instead share what I learned.
I like writing about emotions... So I realized ... Being artsy and poetic, maybe isn't that bad.
Sentimental and vulnreable, here I am... I really truly have the best friends in the world. Really. And sometimes even brother! (; You guys really rock!
On a night like this I really miss the greatest cousin in the world, my Shantig.
For all the good times, every single one of them... Awsome. You should've been here with us tonight. (: We had such a great time. And maybe brought Jeff and T.C. We had one of those nights tonight, you know? You should've really been here... I miss you guys so terribly...
A shoutout to my homeboy Dave, (aka. "Brittish Dave") ! :D
Congratts to moving out! We'll all come to visit soon and you can't say you won't have room for us because you told me there could fit 5 Jills in your bed! ;) x
Amen.
Jill Adam
[ http://www.myspace.com/sherwood > The Best In Me. It's song from the heart.]
Shante Adam
Miss Princess, where you headed today?
Tonight I've put the past chapters aside.
I've filled in the last lines, that were missing for so long, and put them away.
Content.
What a feeling!
I like to pick up the book every now and then though, and flip through the pages. It's interesting to see how not only myself but people around me change.
Some for the better, some for the worse. Sometimes the one way other times the other.
While deep into it, it's hard to figure out what's right and what isn't. Hence the many unwritten endings to lifes chapters. They just kinda' stay, linger... You know?
Tonight. Many plans, none which I followed through. My mind and body have been too caught up in grasping this current chapter, wondering if this should need a book of it's own.
It's like we're all jumping, constantly, not knowing where we're landing. Holding hands thought, safe.
Experiencing new feelings, settings and logic- all together.
Realizing tonight, this new book needs it's own space.
I spent some time reviewing myself and the people belonging to my past.
Some I contacted for confirmation, that my insight was correct and put an exclamationpoint after their sentence.
Others I had felt no desire to contact, infact, deleted the ways of contact, and put simply a dot after their name.
Life is a funny thing, and I love that I get to explore it with some of the worlds greatest people!
So for tonight I again put the book aside. Until the sequel...
I can't wait to see where we end up, why and delete all the next questionmarks.
Miss Princess, where you headed today?
Will we still be holding hands, jumping?
Or have we safely landed?
Bay Bridge - Jill Adam
Just one of those nights. (:
So tonight's just one of those nights...
I basically just don't wanna do anything but catch my breath. It's been a hectic week, gone by so fast.
Hectic, as in a good hectic. Time flies when you're having a good time! Yeah, totally.
Bowling this monday. Three cars full of people up to Heron City. I broke my own personal bowling record, 148 p!
That's right!
Tuesday I got to see the beautiful Hanin (onanabooboo) and hold her sweaty palm as she was suffering through a pain known to be worse than childbirth. Ready, up and away to Kista with Bams and my momy.
Yesterday I went up to Stockholm with Bamsi for a quicky (free interpretation ó_Ò), headed back home and had gorgeous Cafferine over for a slumberparty...
Only to wake up today, with way too little sleep and head back into Stockholm again for my interview at Telenor.
They're only hireing one person and we were quite the group there. So my expectations arn't flung up high but I can still keep my fingers crossed. By next friday we'll know...
So my friends kick ass. They're way better than your friends. By far.
And they keep making me feel so proud of them, all the time and I can't stop smiling!
I love you guys. x
Acke, thanks for helping me out, eventhough Telenor and Telia are competitors. ^^;
...And sorry for almost stealing your cellphone...
(Awsome plan tho', huh Cathrine? ;)
And Marre, simply thanks. Ment alot... x
Cheerio!
Ever heard a fairy speak?
Has my eye always been this open?
My heart, my mind, my soul?
Whenever I look around my shoulder nowadays, there's always something there that I just absolutely love and adore. And it gives me this comfortable feeling, this extraordinary calm... Followed by an inner smile which doesn't really ever fade away, only getting warmer and stronger for every other experience.
Sometimes I feel almost as if I'm walking around, holding to a secret whispered into my ear by God, angels or little magical fairies...
As my new found appreciation for life has taken over my being, I've often wondered... Do other people also hold this secret? Or was it only told to me? And if so, why?
Am I alone in this glorious state of mind?
So I've been observing.
I've been looking around myself, trying to dig into the cores of my peers... Not giving the secret away, just trying to get a hint of what they know, if they know, and how they've chosen to handle it.
This has not only brought me to smile on the inside but also on the outside for what I've found out has really amazed me.
The secret wasn't only told to me.
It was told to the ones holding an open heart, meaning the people ready to see it, to feel it.
I've also learned that everyone holds this heart, though, depending on if you want to see or feel...
Whether you're ready for it or not. Whether you, at this point in your life, can open your ears up.
Depending on time, surroundings, feelings and emotions.
So, told to everyone... A secret nonetheless.
For it's ways cannot be revealed.
The only way to get in on it is to keep your heart, your mind and your soul open and wait for the whisper...
And when it comes... You'll know.
What a great weekend I've had!
I really don't even know where to start?
Friday, myself and Acke were invited over to our Princess Sofias newfoundlove's house for dinner. I recall it being quite an intreresting encounter. Some good wine, delicious food and conversations later, we were stuck by the boardgame Trivial Persuit for quite some time. Applause to the winners, Sowfie and Oscar.
They cheated. Naturally. How else would any pair of people beat me and Acke? Harrr... (;
Moving on, meeting up Cathrine at the trainstation and trying to get our fantastic evening started.
We danced a bit, met up with some people... And realized all the places were closed, we were off to a late start.
That's okay. Rerun.
Saturday, Cathrine and I wake up on my couch and do alot of nothings all day. As night time starts crawling up we meet Bams, Johani, Orre and their girls at a pub for some shots and drinks. Already doing pretty good.
Heading to the lokal hangout, the natural place to be. Good music and great people. Like always!
I made a norwegian friend, Ida! Haha, that was pretty random. Further on even more random meetings took place...
I wouldn't say meetings, rather than "hook-ups" but this is a public blog and I wouldn't want to invade on His and Her privacy.
But hey, give me a call and I'll fill you in! (;
After more and more drinks, food and a walk... We found ourselves up at Johanis place.
Chatted, laughed, talked shit, played guitar, sang, talked some more shit...
I thought, with this atmosphere, I wanted to try the "Sharing Game". So we did. And I was surprised to see it worked, even on this side of the Atlantic.
Didn't fall asleep until this morning after the sunrise and even later...
Thank you guys, all of you. This was such an awsome weekend!
To have You all as My friends is really really cool!
A special thanks to Cathrine. You never seize to surprise me with your good heart, loyalty and substance.
I've really missed having you around, I'm so glad you're back into my life. There's nobody like you.
<3